Dazed and Confused : Slacker :: Enema of the State : Dude Ranch

Reviewed on Sunday, May 22nd, 2022, 12:00am.

It's 2:43am, the conversation trails off and Céline stares out the window. Jesse asks, “So, do you watch ER?”

Reviewed on Sunday, May 22nd, 2022, 12:00am.

Some of Wes Anderson's richest characters to date, including his most truly psychopathic villain in Jopling, who throws a cat out a window and walks across snow in socks without showing the slightest discomfort, thus outdoing the literal Nazi death squad in terms of evilness. Though I guess you 'can't blame someone for their basic lack of moral fiber', can you?

Reviewed on Wednesday, April 27th, 2022, 12:00am.

Petition to change Chekhov's gun to MacGruber's celery stalk.

Reviewed on Monday, April 18th, 2022, 12:00am.

A cussin' marvel.

Reviewed on Tuesday, April 12th, 2022, 12:00am.

A film with characters whose relatability is perpetually shifting as you age. Absolute perfection.

Reviewed on Saturday, April 9th, 2022, 12:00am.

First Wes Anderson I saw upon its actual release, and to me it felt a lot like the crew of the Belafonte aboard the Jacqueline Deep Search submarine seeing the jaguar shark for the first time. Something beautiful and unique that I had been waiting for in a way by familiarizing myself with his earlier work (Anderson's, not the shark's), existing at that time just for me. It will always hold a special place in my heart for that, and though I recognize some of its faults, this fact will always blind me to them. In a way it helps keep the mystique alive for me, that it's typically considered second-tier Anderson, as it allows me to stay submerged, just a member of Team Zissou, watching the great beast swim past.

Reviewed on Saturday, April 9th, 2022, 12:00am.

“Couldn't we just let me float by? For old times' sake?”

Reviewed on Friday, April 8th, 2022, 12:00am.

A little conflicted on this one because it has the hyper-realistic blend of setting, performance, the at times lush, at others grimy digital cinematography, the fact that I could never tell which actor was going to ultimately be a cop or a criminal (or both) when first introduced. On the other hand, it has the most unrealistic thing I've ever seen in a movie: a Marlins fan, in Miami, in 2006, wanting to watch “highlights.”

Reviewed on Thursday, April 7th, 2022, 12:00am.

Okay who is responsible for making the decision to not make every movie look like this? I need answers now.

Reviewed on Monday, April 4th, 2022, 12:00am.

I guess that snack pack is pretty good, huh? Wanna trade the rest of it for these million frequent flyer miles?

Reviewed on Thursday, March 31st, 2022, 12:00am.

Showing my son this the second he starts trying to put me in a home.

Reviewed on Monday, March 21st, 2022, 12:00am.

Okay but what about the cat though?

Reviewed on Thursday, March 17th, 2022, 12:00am.

? Bring da mother, bring da motherfuckin' rumpus ?

Reviewed on Thursday, March 17th, 2022, 12:00am.

I am John Goodman losing his damn mind with joy at the end. We all are.

Reviewed on Saturday, March 12th, 2022, 12:00am.

An awkward and misunderstood individual learns what it means to be human while subsisting entirely on metal, otherwise known as my high school experience.

Reviewed on Friday, March 11th, 2022, 12:00am.

Wait my residual self-image looks just like Keanu Reeves too — am I the one?

Reviewed on Tuesday, March 8th, 2022, 12:00am.

That ball definitely didn't make it back over the fence when he threw it.

Reviewed on Monday, March 7th, 2022, 12:00am.

So funny to see how badly they predict the future in these sci fi movies. ESPN still exists? Uh huh sure. Baseball still exists? Okay now we're stretching it. ESPN showing baseball highlights? You lost me.

Reviewed on Monday, March 7th, 2022, 12:00am.

The words “three plutonium cores” are uttered before the opening credits. Easiest 10 I've ever given.

Reviewed on Monday, March 7th, 2022, 12:00am.

So many questions, but happy to have definitive proof that James has, in fact, never been cool.

Reviewed on Monday, March 7th, 2022, 12:00am.

Everybody have fun tonight Everybody hang dong tonight

Reviewed on Sunday, March 6th, 2022, 12:00am.

The strength I am displaying by not making a crack about Tom Cruise standing in front of an exploding Kremlin while wearing a Bruce Springsteen t-shirt.

Reviewed on Friday, March 4th, 2022, 12:00am.

I usually don't complain about the realism of plots of films like this, but this one is a little too hard to believe. An Ohio State QB throws a touchdown pass after college?

Reviewed on Friday, March 4th, 2022, 12:00am.

If you think back on your crew when you were a kid and think that it didn't have a Lil' Ze, you were your crew's Lil' Ze.

Reviewed on Sunday, February 27th, 2022, 12:00am.

Ethan Hunt, hiding in a broom closet waiting to strike: “I'M TAKING THE CHIN OFF IT KILLS!”

Reviewed on Wednesday, February 23rd, 2022, 12:00am.

Silva must have the sickest Plex Server.

Reviewed on Monday, February 21st, 2022, 12:00am.

“Weeping blood comes merely from a derangement of watching all the Bond movies, my dear Letterboxd. Nothing sinister.”

Reviewed on Sunday, February 20th, 2022, 12:00am.

Felix Leiter, upon seeing Alec Trevelyan: “The summer me.”

Reviewed on Tuesday, December 7th, 2021, 12:00am.

I am not yet sure what it means, but it is an incredibly important character detail that Bond's unemployed drink of choice is Bud with lime.

Reviewed on Monday, December 6th, 2021, 12:00am.

The definition of 'developing fast reflex actions' and 'spiritual strength' is me mashing the 10 as soon as I am shown a ninja training school in a Bond movie. Now they immediately make me question those reflexes when they…transform…Bond, but I gotta go with my gut.

Reviewed on Sunday, November 28th, 2021, 12:00am.

Nightskiing Deserves a fire fight

Reviewed on Sunday, November 28th, 2021, 12:00am.

I'm a simple man. You give me a pre-opening credits jetpack escape, your film gets a 10. Then you give me Bond looking like a more scantily-clad Britney in “Oops I Did It Again” in a harpoon fight climax? Why did people even try to make films after this?

Reviewed on Saturday, November 27th, 2021, 12:00am.

This silken blonde baddy really ditched getting lathered with sunscreen at the lakeside villain boot camp to go die on a train. It really makes you wonder what it's all for.

Reviewed on Friday, November 26th, 2021, 12:00am.

James Bond had no idea, as he was tearing up Miami Beach in a romper, of the groundwork he was laying for dudes at Ultra Music Festival decades later.

Reviewed on Friday, November 26th, 2021, 12:00am.

Rabban: now there's a spicy meatball!

Reviewed on Monday, November 15th, 2021, 12:00am.

Fell in love with the girl at the rock throw

Reviewed on Monday, October 25th, 2021, 12:00am.

If a Von Dutch hat was a movie.

Reviewed on Monday, October 25th, 2021, 12:00am.

Wait is Burger Master still a title to attain? I assume not because my phone hasn't made a peep, but just making sure.

Reviewed on Sunday, October 24th, 2021, 12:00am.

Little Roger grew up to host Beyond Belief: Fact or Fiction.

Reviewed on Wednesday, October 6th, 2021, 12:00am.

That's how I used to watch my Homeward Bound tape.

Reviewed on Tuesday, October 5th, 2021, 12:00am.

The original “oh you like Radiohead? Name five songs” guy.

Reviewed on Monday, October 4th, 2021, 12:00am.

This is the type of film that really shows how far we've come. A 'call is coming from inside the house' reveal is blowing minds in '74 and now we're texting our spouses from bed when they're in the kitchen to get us some candy.

Reviewed on Monday, October 4th, 2021, 12:00am.

Well, it beats Arizona.

Reviewed on Monday, October 4th, 2021, 12:00am.

A masterclass in home defense. Kevin McAllister, eat your heart out.

Reviewed on Saturday, October 2nd, 2021, 12:00am.

Only thing that could've made it better is “Ants Marching” during the coyote scene.

Reviewed on Monday, July 12th, 2021, 12:00am.

Loved the scene where the Castevets dressed up like different De Niro characters.

Reviewed on Tuesday, May 11th, 2021, 12:00am.

Once the raptors show up, it's really just time to pick which two of your cats to cast in their roles. Favorite subtitle: (MOOING IN FEAR)

Reviewed on Monday, May 3rd, 2021, 12:00am.

Neon light pouring through the windows? Horrific snoring? Ominous indoor pool? Bugs falling from the ceiling? A boy with bowl cut PTSD? I see Argento also spent some time with his dad in Holiday Inns after his parents split up.

Reviewed on Monday, May 3rd, 2021, 12:00am.

Still think they had to add that scene in post where he calls it "dogfight football" because someone in editing told Tom Cruise how football works.
Reviewed on Tuesday, August 20th, 2022, 12:00am.

Saw this with my dad and it almost made him like me.

Reviewed on Tuesday, June 7th, 2022, 12:00am.

The best homage to the ride upon which this film is based is how they modeled the lawless pirate-filled hellhole of Tortuga after Orlando, Florida.

Reviewed on Sunday, May 29th, 2022, 12:00am.

Disney dipping their toes in the water (no pun intended) of tentacle porn.

Reviewed on Sunday, May 29th, 2022, 12:00am.

Audiard says all that needs to be said about prison reshaping Malik by having him open his mouth at the airport. Powerful scene and statement. I can't imagine the American version of this, because as bad as it got for Malik, he still had piping hot baguettes on the reg.

Reviewed on Wednesday, May 18th, 2022, 12:00am.

Honestly why don't all movies build to a fistfight climax?

Reviewed on Wednesday, May 11th, 2022, 12:00am.

In all the horror movies I've watched I've never felt the gripping terror that I do here when he's talking to the Columbia Record Club.

Reviewed on Monday, May 2nd, 2022, 12:00am.

The crew has no one to blame but themselves for letting Weir creep around as long as they did; should have been straight to the brig when they saw that his design aesthetic was 'mile-long hallway rigged with explosives'.

Reviewed on Monday, May 2nd, 2022, 12:00am.

Putting every Bond villain in a blender and splattering the results on a martial arts canvas is exactly how I'd make a movie, too.

Reviewed on Monday, April 25th, 2022, 12:00am.

In a film full of astonishing athletic feats, I think I am most impressed by the mother of sixteen moving around at all.

Reviewed on Monday, April 18th, 2022, 12:00am.

A lot of y'all have never had a cat before and it shows.

Reviewed on Sunday, April 17th, 2022, 12:00am.

Would have been a 10 if he didn't become a cop.

Reviewed on Saturday, April 16th, 2022, 12:00am.

The mental ward patients' reactions to their imaginary World Series was basically a toned-down version of my actual reaction to the real World Series last year.

Reviewed on Tuesday, April 12th, 2022, 12:00am.

All those notes around my house telling me DON'T EAT THAT that I've been throwing away…

Reviewed on Wednesday, April 6th, 2022, 12:00am.

I'd like to be able to do one thing as athletically graceful as Gene Kelly did everything.

Reviewed on Friday, April 1st, 2022, 12:00am.

A shot from the point of view of a raven flying around fucking people up set to an '80s metal soundtrack is how Game Of Thrones should have ended.

Reviewed on Thursday, March 24th, 2022, 12:00am.

As the old adage goes, out of the frying pan and into the goddamn Vietnam War.

Reviewed on Wednesday, March 16th, 2022, 12:00am.

It's funny how in the actual Matrix we put the exact same amount of effort into avoiding phone calls.

Reviewed on Thursday, March 10th, 2022, 12:00am.

The story of an inexperienced young man with the build of Timothée Chalamet shooting longing glances at a vibrant young lady across the workplace on company time, also known as my version of How I Met Your Mother.

Reviewed on Wednesday, March 9th, 2022, 12:00am.

At three hours the only place they should've been driving that car is to Mordor.

Reviewed on Thursday, March 3rd, 2022, 12:00am.

Zero chance Bond even came close to offering Camille a sock, much less his shoes.

Reviewed on Monday, February 21st, 2022, 12:00am.

Me: “After Moonraker, it's kind of nice to get a more grounded film where I'm not constantly having to suspend disbel—“ Roger Moore scales a mountain “—ief.”

Reviewed on Friday, December 3rd, 2021, 12:00am.

Need some of that reagent to conquer the brain death of watching 31 movies in October.

Reviewed on Monday, October 18th, 2021, 12:00am.

Even without a virus, the mutant river squid didn't once yell at a Wal-Mart cashier about its rights. Best subtitle summation of the film: [ALL SLURPING]

Reviewed on Monday, May 17th, 2021, 12:00am.

The puzzle cube I got at the Dothan, Alabama Cracker Barrel did the exact same thing to me and ruined a perfectly nice trip to Destin.

Reviewed on Friday, May 14th, 2021, 12:00am.

Made me want, in equal measure, a child and a Dr. Pepper.

Reviewed on Wednesday, May 12th, 2021, 12:00am.

One of those movies I'll think about often as I do all the same things the movie made me commit to myself that I'd stop doing.

Reviewed on Tuesday, May 4th, 2021, 12:00am.

If ever there was a time to go alt-history on us, this would have been it. Showing Elvis just crushing it into old age on world tours, easiest 10 I'd ever give.

Reviewed on Monday, September 5th, 2022, 12:00am.

Tell me you've never tried getting help in a Fry's without telling me you've never tried getting help in a Fry's.

Reviewed on Tuesday, August 30th, 2022, 12:00am.

I hope this is what the aliens find.

Reviewed on Monday, August 15th, 2022, 12:00am.

Feeling pretty vindicated that the implications of this movie mean that Stick Stickly is an inter-dimensional being of great power, as I had always assumed.

Reviewed on Tuesday, May 31st, 2022, 12:00am.

Forty-two dead or injured civilians in the name of a single cop - pretty safe day for the LAPD!

Reviewed on Monday, May 30th, 2022, 12:00am.

Tom Hollander as Lars Ulrich

Reviewed on Sunday, May 29th, 2022, 12:00am.

Best Amon Amarth music video ever.

Reviewed on Sunday, May 22nd, 2022, 12:00am.

When the movie ended the words ONE CUT OF THE DEAD materialized in my bedroom. I think I'm in the movie now?

Reviewed on Friday, May 20th, 2022, 12:00am.

The ultimate betrayal from a man on whom I would have previously staked my life that he was a cat person.

Reviewed on Saturday, May 7th, 2022, 12:00am.

This needed the J. K. Simmonses running around together and at least a Nickelback reference if not Tobey leading a singalong.

Reviewed on Sunday, May 1st, 2022, 12:00am.

Worth it for the footage of the 5th Dimension seeing themselves play “Aquarius/Let the Sunshine In” alone, but I think my favorite part is all the men in the audience looking on in fear as their wives/girlfriends lose interest in them with every note Stevie Wonder sings.

Reviewed on Saturday, April 30th, 2022, 12:00am.

I love this movie but I also just watched a four hour baseball game with eight pitching changes and two total runs and remember it's all this dude's fault. Minus one star.

Reviewed on Thursday, April 28th, 2022, 12:00am.

These robots seem better-designed than what we ended up with; at least these have the decency to cut our fucking heads off after taking our jobs.

Reviewed on Tuesday, April 26th, 2022, 12:00am.

Yond rug very much did tie the room togeth'r, didst t not?

Reviewed on Monday, April 25th, 2022, 12:00am.

Am I the only one who kinda misses loading screens?

Reviewed on Friday, April 22nd, 2022, 12:00am.

A landlord would never do drywall repairs that quickly.

Reviewed on Wednesday, April 20th, 2022, 12:00am.

Sammo: First Blood

Reviewed on Sunday, April 17th, 2022, 12:00am.

Never felt more seen than Wes Anderson showing a mid-2000s dude carrying around an iPod and iPod speaker.

Reviewed on Monday, April 11th, 2022, 12:00am.

Such a tragic story. So much promise wasted by not simply banding together and fighting cops instead of each other.

Reviewed on Sunday, April 10th, 2022, 12:00am.

Wes Anderson's movies unfold to reveal more about themselves with each rewatch, but I wasn't quite expecting this one to have as much depth. However, when Anthony tells his little sister, “I can't go home. I'm an adult,” a throwaway line to me when I was younger revealed itself to be an apt throughline in all of his work: the longing for the past, when we maybe didn't have to have it all figured out yet in this case, when we were child prodigy tennis stars in others. Much more fully realized than I had remembered.

Reviewed on Friday, April 8th, 2022, 12:00am.

Toshiro Mifune with the post-retirement hairline is a force to be reckoned with, as the Aizu clan found out.

Reviewed on Thursday, April 7th, 2022, 12:00am.

The night is dark and full of weirdos.

Reviewed on Wednesday, April 6th, 2022, 12:00am.

A wonderful glimpse into a time before drivers discovered conspiracy theories.

Reviewed on Tuesday, April 5th, 2022, 12:00am.

The Roberts' rules of order.

Reviewed on Monday, April 4th, 2022, 12:00am.

I didn't once hear her reference a Joe Rogan Experience episode to justify the title, but it's a very beautiful film about every person I know.

Reviewed on Sunday, April 3rd, 2022, 12:00am.

It's Brittany, bitch.

Reviewed on Saturday, April 2nd, 2022, 12:00am.

Chapter One: Billy Ray Cyrus vs. Travis Tritt Chapter Two: Andre Agassi vs. Pete Sampras Chapter Three: Joe Dirt vs. Kid Rock

Reviewed on Friday, April 1st, 2022, 12:00am.

Extremely relatable to my high school experience in which everyone in my class was giving up their six figure jobs to head off to an Ivy League school.

Reviewed on Thursday, March 31st, 2022, 12:00am.

This movie was always such a delight and somewhat formative in exposing me to more genres of foreign language films, but my favorite part on this rewatch was how the narrator's facts about each character are basically what would have been their final fact if they were contestants on Next.

Reviewed on Thursday, March 31st, 2022, 12:00am.

Shows just how much ramen ground we all truly have with one another.

Reviewed on Wednesday, March 30th, 2022, 12:00am.

The words “NU METAL” appear five times in the subtitles to describe this world and the characters in it, which feels about six too few.

Reviewed on Wednesday, March 30th, 2022, 12:00am.

Really makes you wonder what could have been. These dudes could have been unstoppable if they didn't give away that can of Surge.

Reviewed on Tuesday, March 29th, 2022, 12:00am.

Glass shatters, Maximus rides into the Colosseum on a wine cart and sprays Commodus and the Senators down before hitting them all with the Stunner.

Reviewed on Monday, March 28th, 2022, 12:00am.

In high school after seeing my first Wes Anderson movie: “I'm shy about my new muscles.”

Reviewed on Saturday, March 26th, 2022, 12:00am.

Always keep the group chat lit, y'all.

Reviewed on Friday, March 25th, 2022, 12:00am.

To see a generation that feels fistbumping your boys is an adequate replacement for therapy is as good a metaphor for the effects of war as any.

Reviewed on Wednesday, March 23rd, 2022, 12:00am.

Thomas ain't got shit on me!

Reviewed on Wednesday, March 23rd, 2022, 12:00am.

Thunderbirds became Accords, Mel's became Sonic, and The Beach Boys became a Bone Thugs-N-Harmony, but the kids stayed the same.

Reviewed on Monday, March 21st, 2022, 12:00am.

Captures an essential memory of the late '90s in which we learned about and were horrified by the Internet in a matter of hours.

Reviewed on Saturday, March 19th, 2022, 12:00am.

Really not sure this is how the law works but I don't know enough to dispute it.

Reviewed on Monday, March 14th, 2022, 12:00am.

Subsequent rewatches will now be dedicated to looking for the one Agent Smith who had a goatee 'cause he felt like it was a great look back in the real world.

Reviewed on Friday, March 11th, 2022, 12:00am.

A teen boy, body wracked with horniness, Can music playing through his mind as it's being actively pickled in hot dog grease, haunting the streets with a cardboard cutout of the girl he's stalking under his arm. A tale as old as time.

Reviewed on Thursday, March 10th, 2022, 12:00am.

What are you doing, step-uncle?

Reviewed on Wednesday, March 9th, 2022, 12:00am.

You ever been in a storm, Ward?

Reviewed on Sunday, March 6th, 2022, 12:00am.

Not really a dumb joke to make here. Just a great reminder to sit on the floor and watch wrestling with loved ones every once in a while.

Reviewed on Monday, February 28th, 2022, 12:00am.

There is definitely a metaphor somewhere in Bond strolling into a place called The Poison Garden without a mask on, but I'm not quite smart enough to work out what it is.

Reviewed on Tuesday, February 22nd, 2022, 12:00am.

Me, before resuming a movie during which I passed out the night prior: “An hour in the dream machine keeps me sane.”

Reviewed on Sunday, February 20th, 2022, 12:00am.

The Bond film in which the character must reconcile with all of the penis damage done by Roger Moore's version.

Reviewed on Monday, December 6th, 2021, 12:00am.

A boy never forgets his first thong.

Reviewed on Sunday, December 5th, 2021, 12:00am.

Basically the Bond movie that Kanye West would make. My Broccoli Dark Twisted Fantasy.

Reviewed on Thursday, December 2nd, 2021, 12:00am.

It took them three films to unlock the secret to making Roger Moore seem athletic: Jaws.

Reviewed on Wednesday, December 1st, 2021, 12:00am.

Rivers Cuomo versus Michael Stipe

Reviewed on Friday, November 26th, 2021, 12:00am.

The most 2004 film of 2005.

Reviewed on Monday, November 15th, 2021, 12:00am.

The collectibles market has really gotten out of hand.

Reviewed on Thursday, November 4th, 2021, 12:00am.

Never underestimate the power of a sister.

Reviewed on Monday, November 1st, 2021, 12:00am.

“Let's get decadent” is going to get so much play at our house before snack time.

Reviewed on Saturday, October 30th, 2021, 12:00am.

Well yeah, after seeing this, it's no wonder Ryan Lochte is the way that he is. We have no one to blame but ourselves.

Reviewed on Monday, October 25th, 2021, 12:00am.

I'm just gonna say it: the puzzle doesn't look that hard.

Reviewed on Sunday, October 24th, 2021, 12:00am.

Enjoy Slurm

Reviewed on Friday, October 15th, 2021, 12:00am.

Basically my house but with '90s memorabilia instead of torture devices.

Reviewed on Wednesday, October 13th, 2021, 12:00am.

I'm gonna cuddle my cats so hard they'll run the next time they hear the score of this movie.

Reviewed on Wednesday, October 13th, 2021, 12:00am.

Where is KoЯn when you need them?

Reviewed on Monday, October 11th, 2021, 12:00am.

I hate when people know it's my birthday, too.

Reviewed on Thursday, October 7th, 2021, 12:00am.

Some of the parts were just too unbelievable for me. People reading an academic paper? Come on.

Reviewed on Saturday, October 2nd, 2021, 12:00am.

General Klytus, in Phil Brickma's voice: “HOT. HAIL! YOU HEAT UP…THE ICE CUBES!”

Reviewed on Thursday, July 15th, 2021, 12:00am.

Screaming at Gareth Edwards reducing Nevada to a nuclear waste dump.

Reviewed on Monday, July 12th, 2021, 12:00am.

Wait, canned goods expire?

Reviewed on Monday, June 21st, 2021, 12:00am.

Dead drummer…what a cliché.

Reviewed on Saturday, June 19th, 2021, 12:00am.

, or The Biggest Rage Fan at Coachella. 

Reviewed on Sunday, June 13th, 2021, 12:00am.

Tag yourself: I'm Elizabeth Debicki in a fevered deathstate strapped to a gurney while Robert Pattinson tries to explain the plot to me.

Reviewed on Tuesday, June 8th, 2021, 12:00am.

The Life Aquatic with Steve Buscemi

Reviewed on Sunday, June 6th, 2021, 12:00am.

Still stabler (and funnier) than Joe Rogan.

Reviewed on Sunday, May 30th, 2021, 12:00am.

The pot was making her aggressive though.

Reviewed on Thursday, May 27th, 2021, 12:00am.

The energy in that limo when he plays “Basketball Jones” is the exact same as when I blow my aux cord privileges on a twenty-minute “You Enjoy Myself.”

Reviewed on Tuesday, May 25th, 2021, 12:00am.

Dasani commercials have gotten really good.

Reviewed on Sunday, May 16th, 2021, 12:00am.

Going to remember this the next time I need a way to get out of attending a conference.

Reviewed on Monday, May 10th, 2021, 12:00am.

Vos could have gotten a bowl of salvia for, like, ten times less money than one of those machines and it would have been only nine times less pleasant.

Reviewed on Thursday, May 6th, 2021, 12:00am.

A very educational viewing in which I learned the extent to which Vince McMahon owes Charlie Chaplin for his success and that jockeys evolved from boxers.

Reviewed on Monday, April 19th, 2021, 12:00am.

Easily a top three '80s German electronic music video with heavy power tool erotic visual themes.

Reviewed on Friday, April 9th, 2021, 12:00am.

When a movie has a disclaimer assuring you the dances are entirely fictional you know it's about to go hard as fuck.

Reviewed on Tuesday, May 31st, 2022, 12:00am.

You ask me to guess an item that might be in Bradford Cox's pocket, Madonna's Pap smear would be one of my top choices.

Reviewed on Saturday, May 21st, 2022, 12:00am.

I loved when Martin Short played Sam Cooke on the Holophonor for Meg Ryan.

Reviewed on Thursday, May 12th, 2022, 12:00am.

Finally someone has captured the feeling of being explained the blockchain.

Reviewed on Sunday, May 8th, 2022, 12:00am.

I didn't watch this with my wife but her voice in my head said, “That's you!” when Dustin Hoffman blasts bagpipe music to get people to leave his house.

Reviewed on Friday, May 6th, 2022, 12:00am.

A cautionary tale of what happens when you're so money and you do know it.

Reviewed on Wednesday, May 4th, 2022, 12:00am.

Alternate ending: the final door opens upon white light that, as our eyes adjust, reveals itself as our eyes adjust to be a sunlit field with a sign in the near distance that reads, “JACKSONVILLE INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT”.

Reviewed on Saturday, April 30th, 2022, 12:00am.

It's shocking to me that none of these dudes ever wore a sweater draped over their shoulders.

Reviewed on Friday, April 29th, 2022, 12:00am.

Is there anything more intimidating than Chow Yun-Fat in a leather vest just staring you down while casually eating a lemon?

Reviewed on Saturday, April 23rd, 2022, 12:00am.

These Stranger Things trailers are getting elaborate.

Reviewed on Thursday, April 21st, 2022, 12:00am.

In my head, the events of Babe: Pig in the City are the same story of this film, told from the pig's perspective.

Reviewed on Monday, April 18th, 2022, 12:00am.

Would rather watch Red, White, and Blaine over In the Heights ten out of ten times.

Reviewed on Sunday, April 10th, 2022, 12:00am.

Margaret having a con explained in great detail and then still falling for one right after is exactly like how I'll never really understand Catan enough to come close to winning a game.

Reviewed on Wednesday, April 6th, 2022, 12:00am.

An ode to a byegone era where leading men could have hair like that.

Reviewed on Tuesday, April 5th, 2022, 12:00am.

I've never identified with a training scene more than Gorô Hanada keeping a balloon in the air while saying 'Why can't I be number one?'

Reviewed on Tuesday, April 5th, 2022, 12:00am.

Real shame we skipped this phase of expressing our racism through dance.

Reviewed on Saturday, April 2nd, 2022, 12:00am.

The exact same thing happened to me in the early 2000s. Only differences were they had changed their name to CRC (Columbia Record Club) and I did get a bunch of nice CDs out of the whole deal.

Reviewed on Wednesday, March 30th, 2022, 12:00am.

Bro I think you might be allergic.

Reviewed on Wednesday, March 30th, 2022, 12:00am.

There's no place like home, with a capital O.

Reviewed on Tuesday, March 22nd, 2022, 12:00am.

If the Leonardo DiCaprio pointing meme was a movie.

Reviewed on Sunday, March 20th, 2022, 12:00am.

They truly don't make 'em like this anymore. My drill can barely hold a charge.

Reviewed on Monday, March 7th, 2022, 12:00am.

Just wanna listen to opera and make every day leg day.

Reviewed on Saturday, March 5th, 2022, 12:00am.

My man dresses like he's on the way to Target to buy up all the baseball cards before the kids get a chance, bangs like he is a baseball card, and then Steven Yeun comes into the picture looking like he belongs on a baseball card. Never stood a chance.

Reviewed on Tuesday, March 1st, 2022, 12:00am.

I want the alternate cut where, at the end, Philip Seymour Hoffman satisfyingly clasps the ball bead chain of a rabbit's foot to the zipper of his Jansport's smallest pocket and walks off into the sunset.

Reviewed on Monday, February 28th, 2022, 12:00am.

Bradley Cooper as 'the kid' at the carnival is like calling the big dude in the gang 'Tiny', but for some reason none of the characters in this film seem to think it's funny like I do.

Reviewed on Monday, February 28th, 2022, 12:00am.

We really should have known The Doors could be blamed for water beds.

Reviewed on Saturday, February 26th, 2022, 12:00am.

What older sibling hasn't told their little brother he or she is the author of all his pain while making him relive all the worst parts of his life?

Reviewed on Monday, February 21st, 2022, 12:00am.

Jonathan Pryce a little too human to be believable as Zuckerberg, and they inexplicably only got one Winklevoss twin, but The Social Network was still really fun.

Reviewed on Sunday, December 12th, 2021, 12:00am.

Smartly set in Vegas, where we can finally get a touch of realism to a Bond movie, as it shows how 99% of people are unattractive.

Reviewed on Sunday, November 28th, 2021, 12:00am.

I don't think any exchange can better serve as thesis for this franchise than: BOND: It's throwing the gyroscopic controls of a guided missile off-balance with a radio beam or something, isn't it? M: More or less.

Reviewed on Friday, November 26th, 2021, 12:00am.

Sodom of the Ohio River' is such a great name for Cincinnati.

Reviewed on Friday, November 5th, 2021, 12:00am.

Tim Curry puts the ody-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody in Mr. Boddy-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody.

Reviewed on Monday, October 25th, 2021, 12:00am.

Interior decorating in the 90s was something else.

Reviewed on Monday, October 18th, 2021, 12:00am.

Never trust youths who like golf.

Reviewed on Saturday, October 16th, 2021, 12:00am.

This level of continuity quite frankly makes me uncomfortable.

Reviewed on Saturday, October 16th, 2021, 12:00am.

It really seems like Charles Lee Ray was meant to be a doll, you know? Not everyone finds themselves in life, so it's really nice to see.

Reviewed on Friday, October 15th, 2021, 12:00am.

Honestly, Billy, the way you died without seeing the Jets win the Super Bowl is so much better than the way the rest of the class of 2000 will die without seeing the Jets win a Super Bowl.

Reviewed on Friday, October 15th, 2021, 12:00am.

Pretty standard game night vibes.

Reviewed on Tuesday, October 12th, 2021, 12:00am.

Ann Rule would never.

Reviewed on Monday, October 11th, 2021, 12:00am.

God that Coconut Pete/Eddie Money/Billy Squier tour would have been legendary.

Reviewed on Saturday, October 9th, 2021, 12:00am.

Taking so many notes on what I want done with my bones when I die.

Reviewed on Saturday, October 9th, 2021, 12:00am.

I am getting so many ideas for my upcoming week off.

Reviewed on Thursday, October 7th, 2021, 12:00am.

If Sublime is playing in heaven, the world better watch out for me.

Reviewed on Monday, October 4th, 2021, 12:00am.

God we are such pieces of shit.

Reviewed on Monday, July 12th, 2021, 12:00am.

Could not get over how much Stacy's wig had him looking like Tobias Funke's hair plug phase.

Reviewed on Sunday, July 11th, 2021, 12:00am.

That is one tightly-knit hundreds-deep street gang.

Reviewed on Thursday, July 8th, 2021, 12:00am.

Didn't understand a lick of it but it sure was nice to look at.

Reviewed on Thursday, July 8th, 2021, 12:00am.

Loved getting to see the source material for the "Widespread Panic!" guy.

Reviewed on Tuesday, June 29th, 2021, 12:00am.

A little too much suspension of disbelief to buy Lon Chaney as a) an attractive man and b) Claude Rains' child, but once the wolf stuff starts it snaps into focus.

Reviewed on Wednesday, June 2nd, 2021, 12:00am.

Kept waiting for Satan's music to hit.

Reviewed on Monday, May 17th, 2021, 12:00am.

Honestly, by the end, I didn't even miss Starsky.

Reviewed on Sunday, May 16th, 2021, 12:00am.

I feel bad for wardrobe; these guys must have scanned all over every pair of pants they had.

Reviewed on Thursday, May 13th, 2021, 12:00am.

Imagine moving to a new apartment and finding out there's another papier-mâché sculptress across the street.

Reviewed on Friday, May 7th, 2021, 12:00am.

Look, I don't mean to victim blame, but I think Cosmo could have paid that debt much easier if he'd fired his musical director and got a jukebox with some ZZ Top on it or something.

Reviewed on Sunday, May 2nd, 2021, 12:00am.

Almost every star the movie loses with a too-long, plot-heavy middle and with asking me to trust men to capably handle firearms who are that bad at darts is recovered by all the villains taking Mick Foley-like bumps through glass tables in the climax.

Reviewed on Saturday, May 1st, 2021, 12:00am.

Odds are good that if you sort by Hot on /r/streetwear, you will find at least one of Napoleon's fits.

Reviewed on Sunday, April 18th, 2021, 12:00am.

Great right up to the point when they disparage margaritas.

Reviewed on Saturday, April 17th, 2021, 12:00am.

“Funny” banking movie the Trojan Horse, Mastodon needle drop the Greeks.

Reviewed on Friday, May 27th, 2022, 12:00am.

Our parents were right to worry.

Reviewed on Thursday, May 5th, 2022, 12:00am.

I am dizzy. But I kinda like it?

Reviewed on Sunday, April 24th, 2022, 12:00am.

Always gets me when it's Ethan Hunt under the mask!

Reviewed on Wednesday, April 20th, 2022, 12:00am.

CBGB. Max's Kansas City. TGI Fridays. Studio 54.

Reviewed on Wednesday, April 6th, 2022, 12:00am.

I always sorta suspected Awkwafina was part of the key to world peace but it's good to have this confirmation.

Reviewed on Saturday, April 2nd, 2022, 12:00am.

So the algorithm caught on to Tony Leung, martial arts, and dragons; we need to collectively mass-Google 'best movies under two hours with sick practical effects'.

Reviewed on Wednesday, March 23rd, 2022, 12:00am.

And to think I've been blaming my wife all these years for all the crumbs in our bed.

Reviewed on Friday, March 18th, 2022, 12:00am.

Multi-Devil Marketing

Reviewed on Saturday, March 5th, 2022, 12:00am.

This is exactly my process for writing my Letterboxd reviews.

Reviewed on Sunday, February 27th, 2022, 12:00am.

All-time kill-quip combo.

Reviewed on Monday, November 29th, 2021, 12:00am.

This one has gotta be in the 95th percentile of things going right for a Carnival Cruise.

Reviewed on Tuesday, October 26th, 2021, 12:00am.

I don't know it took me three days to watch through no fault of its own but I liked the part with the lasers and virgins, reminded me of a Tool concert.

Reviewed on Saturday, October 23rd, 2021, 12:00am.

What even is wax?

Reviewed on Tuesday, October 19th, 2021, 12:00am.

Pretty similar vibes to when I say, “Hey check this song out.”

Reviewed on Sunday, October 17th, 2021, 12:00am.

My family drags our birthdays like this too, girl.

Reviewed on Friday, October 15th, 2021, 12:00am.

2021 remake: SCAM LIKELY

Reviewed on Monday, October 11th, 2021, 12:00am.

Well-outlines the dangers of popping a party boner.

Reviewed on Sunday, October 10th, 2021, 12:00am.

Little man crushing AOL chat rooms and Iron Maiden got me right in the heart.

Reviewed on Friday, October 8th, 2021, 12:00am.

Henchman wanted. Must look exactly like me for twin maneuvers and maximum interchangeability.

Reviewed on Thursday, September 16th, 2021, 12:00am.

Couldn't answer a single question my wife asked me about the plot of the movie I was actively watching, absolute perfection.

Reviewed on Tuesday, August 10th, 2021, 12:00am.

I need the deleted scene of Rachel Weisz applying that smoky eye.

Reviewed on Sunday, July 11th, 2021, 12:00am.

The wrong man won.

Reviewed on Saturday, June 12th, 2021, 12:00am.

Tig Notaro as Virgil Malloy in Ocean's Fourteen.

Reviewed on Sunday, May 23rd, 2021, 12:00am.

A young boy with a great mom and a bloodlust for action gets sucked into a movie to escape reality. It's Arnold Schwarzenegger in, My Letterboxd Origin Story. 

Reviewed on Wednesday, May 19th, 2021, 12:00am.

I counted way less than that.

Reviewed on Friday, May 14th, 2021, 12:00am.

O color, where art thou?

Reviewed on Sunday, May 9th, 2021, 12:00am.

Tag yourself; I'm either the photographer gleefully exclaiming, “He's so weird,” or the dude vibing hard on the accordion.

Reviewed on Wednesday, May 5th, 2021, 12:00am.

A film that manages to truly capture the interminable quality of its characters' days and nights as well as make Steve Zahn sorta unlikeable.

Reviewed on Wednesday, May 25th, 2022, 12:00am.

Love a world where we'd not be judged by anything but the quality of our kung fu.

Reviewed on Saturday, May 14th, 2022, 12:00am.

This is a movie in the same way the Big One is food.

Reviewed on Monday, May 9th, 2022, 12:00am.

First time watching, are all episodes of Glee this long?

Reviewed on Thursday, April 7th, 2022, 12:00am.

Would expect nothing less from a couple of freaks that looked at a beautiful baby boy and thought, “Bob.”

Reviewed on Monday, April 4th, 2022, 12:00am.

Confirms my suspicion that not even Paul Newman can make carrying a pool stick in a velvet-lined case look cool.

Reviewed on Saturday, March 26th, 2022, 12:00am.

James Bond: Mama said Renard is ornery cause he's got all them teeth and no toothbrush. Dr. Molly Warmflash: Renard is agressive because of a bullet lodged in his medulla oblongata. It's the sector of the brain that controls the aggressive behavior.  M: That is correct! The medulla oblongata! James Bond: —but mama say that— M: The medulla…oblongata!

Reviewed on Sunday, December 19th, 2021, 12:00am.

The dirtiest these Bond movies have ever done Americans is making the U.S. Army general lose his shit over the circus.

Reviewed on Sunday, December 5th, 2021, 12:00am.

Somewhere in the multiverse, Nick Nack has James Bond's head on the end of his trident.

Reviewed on Monday, November 29th, 2021, 12:00am.

$400 jacket? Fashion school students get PAID.

Reviewed on Sunday, November 21st, 2021, 12:00am.

Still better than almost every party I've been to as an adult.

Reviewed on Monday, October 18th, 2021, 12:00am.

The title and accents led me to believe this would be a good bit funnier than it was.

Reviewed on Monday, October 11th, 2021, 12:00am.

My heart wasn't ready for a heel Breckin Meyer.

Reviewed on Monday, October 4th, 2021, 12:00am.

Excellent Mirror Shield work by Link. Looks fabulous in his Molly Tunic as well. Director's Cut

Reviewed on Friday, April 16th, 2021, 12:00am.

In which we test the tensile strength of Hans Zimmer's melody as the last thing holding this franchise together.

Reviewed on Thursday, June 2nd, 2022, 12:00am.

A courtroom gobbling up Jack Sparrow's bullshit is hitting a little too close to home right now.

Reviewed on Wednesday, June 1st, 2022, 12:00am.

Me, snatching the graded Ronald Acuña Jr. rookie card out of my younger self's hands: “no no no no, these are yours.” Hands him a binder full of the Colorado Rockies inaugural team's cards. “We all make choices, kid.”

Reviewed on Monday, May 2nd, 2022, 12:00am.

The film itself is a good metaphor for its own distribution: a made-for-tv movie with a theatrical heart.

Reviewed on Thursday, March 31st, 2022, 12:00am.

Silly San, that bottle isn't cursed! It's not like it's Pepsi.

Reviewed on Saturday, March 12th, 2022, 12:00am.

Yawns in slow motion

Reviewed on Thursday, February 24th, 2022, 12:00am.

Maybe my perception of time was off in this movie but it seemed like Sally's husband's body wasn't even cold yet before these events unfolded.

Reviewed on Monday, October 25th, 2021, 12:00am.

Anti-gargoyle propaganda.

Reviewed on Sunday, October 24th, 2021, 12:00am.

What's your escape room? Mine's an important stack of mail I have to read to find the clues.

Reviewed on Thursday, October 14th, 2021, 12:00am.

It's good to know which ones we can safely leave behind in the past.

Reviewed on Thursday, July 15th, 2021, 12:00am.

Hey, so was I!

Reviewed on Sunday, June 27th, 2021, 12:00am.

Never forget the Outworld blew a 9-0 lead. “Grunt” count in subtitles: 108

Reviewed on Sunday, May 23rd, 2021, 12:00am.

Lawrence of Arabia length with Lawrence the Cable Guy quality.

Reviewed on Tuesday, April 19th, 2022, 12:00am.

Accurate title!

Reviewed on Saturday, April 30th, 2022, 12:00am.

Finally someone answers the question, 'What if The Terminator was made for a cell phone screen?'

Reviewed on Sunday, April 17th, 2022, 12:00am.

I was misled.

Reviewed on Sunday, March 6th, 2022, 12:00am.

The way Jesus is carryin' on, you would think he had to sit through The Last Temptation of Christ.

Reviewed on Wednesday, March 2nd, 2022, 12:00am.

This Three Stooges police work made it safe for me to buy wrestling figures at the Texarkana mall many years later.

Reviewed on Thursday, October 14th, 2021, 12:00am.

The way this dude handled his records and the fact that he had spare robes, gotta say he had it coming.

Reviewed on Tuesday, October 12th, 2021, 12:00am.

Gonna tell my son that this kid is Luka.

Reviewed on Tuesday, May 31st, 2022, 12:00am.

I realized halfway through that this is effectively season two of a Netflix show, which is funny, because had you asked me to describe it at that point, I might have said it's “like season two of a Netflix show.” It's probably my fault for watching this first, but just know that if you've ever told me that Wu Assassins is a good show, you're on notice.

Reviewed on Monday, May 2nd, 2022, 12:00am.

Great Pet Shop Boys needle drop!

Reviewed on Monday, March 21st, 2022, 12:00am.