Okay but what about the cat though?

Reviewed on Thursday, March 17th, 2022, 12:00am.

This is the type of film that really shows how far we've come. A 'call is coming from inside the house' reveal is blowing minds in '74 and now we're texting our spouses from bed when they're in the kitchen to get us some candy.

Reviewed on Monday, October 4th, 2021, 12:00am.

A masterclass in home defense. Kevin McAllister, eat your heart out.

Reviewed on Saturday, October 2nd, 2021, 12:00am.

Neon light pouring through the windows? Horrific snoring? Ominous indoor pool? Bugs falling from the ceiling? A boy with bowl cut PTSD? I see Argento also spent some time with his dad in Holiday Inns after his parents split up.

Reviewed on Monday, May 3rd, 2021, 12:00am.

Putting every Bond villain in a blender and splattering the results on a martial arts canvas is exactly how I'd make a movie, too.

Reviewed on Monday, April 25th, 2022, 12:00am.

A lot of y'all have never had a cat before and it shows.

Reviewed on Sunday, April 17th, 2022, 12:00am.

The mental ward patients' reactions to their imaginary World Series was basically a toned-down version of my actual reaction to the real World Series last year.

Reviewed on Tuesday, April 12th, 2022, 12:00am.

Always keep the group chat lit, y'all.

Reviewed on Friday, March 25th, 2022, 12:00am.

Thunderbirds became Accords, Mel's became Sonic, and The Beach Boys became a Bone Thugs-N-Harmony, but the kids stayed the same.

Reviewed on Monday, March 21st, 2022, 12:00am.

A teen boy, body wracked with horniness, Can music playing through his mind as it's being actively pickled in hot dog grease, haunting the streets with a cardboard cutout of the girl he's stalking under his arm. A tale as old as time.

Reviewed on Thursday, March 10th, 2022, 12:00am.

Basically the Bond movie that Kanye West would make. My Broccoli Dark Twisted Fantasy.

Reviewed on Thursday, December 2nd, 2021, 12:00am.

It took them three films to unlock the secret to making Roger Moore seem athletic: Jaws.

Reviewed on Wednesday, December 1st, 2021, 12:00am.

I hate when people know it's my birthday, too.

Reviewed on Thursday, October 7th, 2021, 12:00am.

, or The Biggest Rage Fan at Coachella. 

Reviewed on Sunday, June 13th, 2021, 12:00am.

The energy in that limo when he plays “Basketball Jones” is the exact same as when I blow my aux cord privileges on a twenty-minute “You Enjoy Myself.”

Reviewed on Tuesday, May 25th, 2021, 12:00am.

I didn't watch this with my wife but her voice in my head said, “That's you!” when Dustin Hoffman blasts bagpipe music to get people to leave his house.

Reviewed on Friday, May 6th, 2022, 12:00am.

Smartly set in Vegas, where we can finally get a touch of realism to a Bond movie, as it shows how 99% of people are unattractive.

Reviewed on Sunday, November 28th, 2021, 12:00am.

That is one tightly-knit hundreds-deep street gang.

Reviewed on Thursday, July 8th, 2021, 12:00am.

Didn't understand a lick of it but it sure was nice to look at.

Reviewed on Thursday, July 8th, 2021, 12:00am.

Look, I don't mean to victim blame, but I think Cosmo could have paid that debt much easier if he'd fired his musical director and got a jukebox with some ZZ Top on it or something.

Reviewed on Sunday, May 2nd, 2021, 12:00am.

Great right up to the point when they disparage margaritas.

Reviewed on Saturday, April 17th, 2021, 12:00am.

All-time kill-quip combo.

Reviewed on Monday, November 29th, 2021, 12:00am.

2021 remake: SCAM LIKELY

Reviewed on Monday, October 11th, 2021, 12:00am.

Henchman wanted. Must look exactly like me for twin maneuvers and maximum interchangeability.

Reviewed on Thursday, September 16th, 2021, 12:00am.

Love a world where we'd not be judged by anything but the quality of our kung fu.

Reviewed on Saturday, May 14th, 2022, 12:00am.

Somewhere in the multiverse, Nick Nack has James Bond's head on the end of his trident.

Reviewed on Monday, November 29th, 2021, 12:00am.

This Three Stooges police work made it safe for me to buy wrestling figures at the Texarkana mall many years later.

Reviewed on Thursday, October 14th, 2021, 12:00am.