Showing my son this the second he starts trying to put me in a home.

Reviewed on Monday, March 21st, 2022, 12:00am.

Everybody have fun tonight Everybody hang dong tonight

Reviewed on Sunday, March 6th, 2022, 12:00am.

I am not yet sure what it means, but it is an incredibly important character detail that Bond's unemployed drink of choice is Bud with lime.

Reviewed on Monday, December 6th, 2021, 12:00am.

That's how I used to watch my Homeward Bound tape.

Reviewed on Tuesday, October 5th, 2021, 12:00am.

In a film full of astonishing athletic feats, I think I am most impressed by the mother of sixteen moving around at all.

Reviewed on Monday, April 18th, 2022, 12:00am.

A shot from the point of view of a raven flying around fucking people up set to an '80s metal soundtrack is how Game Of Thrones should have ended.

Reviewed on Thursday, March 24th, 2022, 12:00am.

Me: “After Moonraker, it's kind of nice to get a more grounded film where I'm not constantly having to suspend disbel—“ Roger Moore scales a mountain “—ief.”

Reviewed on Friday, December 3rd, 2021, 12:00am.

Need some of that reagent to conquer the brain death of watching 31 movies in October.

Reviewed on Monday, October 18th, 2021, 12:00am.

The puzzle cube I got at the Dothan, Alabama Cracker Barrel did the exact same thing to me and ruined a perfectly nice trip to Destin.

Reviewed on Friday, May 14th, 2021, 12:00am.

Made me want, in equal measure, a child and a Dr. Pepper.

Reviewed on Wednesday, May 12th, 2021, 12:00am.

These robots seem better-designed than what we ended up with; at least these have the decency to cut our fucking heads off after taking our jobs.

Reviewed on Tuesday, April 26th, 2022, 12:00am.

Sammo: First Blood

Reviewed on Sunday, April 17th, 2022, 12:00am.

Shows just how much ramen ground we all truly have with one another.

Reviewed on Wednesday, March 30th, 2022, 12:00am.

The Bond film in which the character must reconcile with all of the penis damage done by Roger Moore's version.

Reviewed on Monday, December 6th, 2021, 12:00am.

A boy never forgets his first thong.

Reviewed on Sunday, December 5th, 2021, 12:00am.

I'm just gonna say it: the puzzle doesn't look that hard.

Reviewed on Sunday, October 24th, 2021, 12:00am.

I'm gonna cuddle my cats so hard they'll run the next time they hear the score of this movie.

Reviewed on Wednesday, October 13th, 2021, 12:00am.

Where is KoЯn when you need them?

Reviewed on Monday, October 11th, 2021, 12:00am.

General Klytus, in Phil Brickma's voice: “HOT. HAIL! YOU HEAT UP…THE ICE CUBES!”

Reviewed on Thursday, July 15th, 2021, 12:00am.

Still stabler (and funnier) than Joe Rogan.

Reviewed on Sunday, May 30th, 2021, 12:00am.

Easily a top three '80s German electronic music video with heavy power tool erotic visual themes.

Reviewed on Friday, April 9th, 2021, 12:00am.

I loved when Martin Short played Sam Cooke on the Holophonor for Meg Ryan.

Reviewed on Thursday, May 12th, 2022, 12:00am.

Margaret having a con explained in great detail and then still falling for one right after is exactly like how I'll never really understand Catan enough to come close to winning a game.

Reviewed on Wednesday, April 6th, 2022, 12:00am.

An ode to a byegone era where leading men could have hair like that.

Reviewed on Tuesday, April 5th, 2022, 12:00am.

They truly don't make 'em like this anymore. My drill can barely hold a charge.

Reviewed on Monday, March 7th, 2022, 12:00am.

Tim Curry puts the ody-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody in Mr. Boddy-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody-ody.

Reviewed on Monday, October 25th, 2021, 12:00am.

It really seems like Charles Lee Ray was meant to be a doll, you know? Not everyone finds themselves in life, so it's really nice to see.

Reviewed on Friday, October 15th, 2021, 12:00am.

I am getting so many ideas for my upcoming week off.

Reviewed on Thursday, October 7th, 2021, 12:00am.

I feel bad for wardrobe; these guys must have scanned all over every pair of pants they had.

Reviewed on Thursday, May 13th, 2021, 12:00am.

Imagine moving to a new apartment and finding out there's another papier-mâché sculptress across the street.

Reviewed on Friday, May 7th, 2021, 12:00am.

Almost every star the movie loses with a too-long, plot-heavy middle and with asking me to trust men to capably handle firearms who are that bad at darts is recovered by all the villains taking Mick Foley-like bumps through glass tables in the climax.

Reviewed on Saturday, May 1st, 2021, 12:00am.

CBGB. Max's Kansas City. TGI Fridays. Studio 54.

Reviewed on Wednesday, April 6th, 2022, 12:00am.

And to think I've been blaming my wife all these years for all the crumbs in our bed.

Reviewed on Friday, March 18th, 2022, 12:00am.

Multi-Devil Marketing

Reviewed on Saturday, March 5th, 2022, 12:00am.

I don't know it took me three days to watch through no fault of its own but I liked the part with the lasers and virgins, reminded me of a Tool concert.

Reviewed on Saturday, October 23rd, 2021, 12:00am.

The wrong man won.

Reviewed on Saturday, June 12th, 2021, 12:00am.

O color, where art thou?

Reviewed on Sunday, May 9th, 2021, 12:00am.

Would expect nothing less from a couple of freaks that looked at a beautiful baby boy and thought, “Bob.”

Reviewed on Monday, April 4th, 2022, 12:00am.

Confirms my suspicion that not even Paul Newman can make carrying a pool stick in a velvet-lined case look cool.

Reviewed on Saturday, March 26th, 2022, 12:00am.

The dirtiest these Bond movies have ever done Americans is making the U.S. Army general lose his shit over the circus.

Reviewed on Sunday, December 5th, 2021, 12:00am.

Excellent Mirror Shield work by Link. Looks fabulous in his Molly Tunic as well. Director's Cut

Reviewed on Friday, April 16th, 2021, 12:00am.

Silly San, that bottle isn't cursed! It's not like it's Pepsi.

Reviewed on Saturday, March 12th, 2022, 12:00am.

The way Jesus is carryin' on, you would think he had to sit through The Last Temptation of Christ.

Reviewed on Wednesday, March 2nd, 2022, 12:00am.